


i don't want to wake up lonely

by orphan_account



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Child Loss, He gets taken away by CPS, Hes alive, I just need to specify that no one dies, I love her but someone had to be the terrible ex wife, M/M, Not like death, Parent!Ziam, Perrie's kind of a bitch, Unedited (and in desperate need of it), for once, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-22
Updated: 2015-03-22
Packaged: 2018-03-19 01:29:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,718
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3591264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Zayn had never been more grateful for his vapid bitch of an ex-wife."</p><p>or where Zayn loses his wife, his kid, and his job over a few months. He doesn't know who he pissed off, but he does know that he'll do anything to get his life back. Minus Perrie. Plus the hot CPS worker.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i don't want to wake up lonely

**Author's Note:**

  * For [PrincipeJin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PrincipeJin/gifts).



> This is a very detailed description, something I wasn't exactly expecting, so I apologize to the original owner if there's an issue with my alterations. I had to alter things for the sake of length and the plot. I strayed pretty far from the original plot line and I'm very sorry, but I couldn't figure out how to squeeze your idea into less than 8k words (my maximum). I have little to no experience or knowledge with or about the custody/CPS/court situation, so if anything is incorrect, forgive me. (i also sorta feel like this is totally rushed?? but i had a lot to fit in so i think some of it's excusable)
> 
> here's the exact prompt, spoilers and all: Zayn is struggling to keep Custody of Taylor because he can't seem to find a job. Zayn's ex wife is fighting to separate Taylor and his dad because she feels guilt for leaving Taylor and because Zayn refused to take her back. She's wealthy and has money. Liam Payne is assign the case and is in charge to see that Zayn is being a proper father. Zayn doesn't meet Liam Payne but his son does, Liam has to ask Taylor about his life without any influence and he can tell that Zayn is a great dad and even starts falling for the man because of the kids stories. He'd seen a picture of Zayn before and he had to admit he was handsome. After fighting over the custody Zayn's ex wins because despite the fact that Zayn is an amazing father he doesn't have the financial stability needed. He gets to see his son on the weekend. Liam apologizes but it was his job to tell the court what was going on. Zayn is angry but accepts the apology. Liam helps Zayn to find a job and they slowly fall for each other. A year later Taylor is sitting at a restaurant with Liam eating chocolate cake when Zayn surprises his little boy. Taylor is happy and hugs Zayn. Zayn sits besides Liam and rest his head on his shoulder as they watch their son Taylor eat his cake. Taylor is smiling as he sees both his dads happy.

Zayn worked hard to be a father, don't get him wrong. He loved his son and he respected his ex.

Until she left.

She left Zayn with a baby and a shitty job.

That was the moment Zayn lost all respect for her.

Who just up and leaves their child with their ex-husband?

Zayn was then determined to take care of him.

Taylor, barely four years old, didn't understand where his mommy had gone. Couldn't possibly handle the knowledge that his mother had left him, so Zayn told his the same thing every time he asked.

"Mommy's gone out to buy some clothes. She'll be back soon." And God knew she loved shopping more than her son, so it wasn't a lie _per se_.

Plus, what was Zayn supposed to say?

 _"Taylor, your mother left you here with me because she's a dirty, gold digging whore_."? Obviously not.

Zayn's job paid decently enough. Enough to afford daycare for Taylor, food, pull-ups and rent so they were okay. For a while.

Until the assets were frozen and the place closed.

Zayn was left with no financial backup, no wife, and certainly no stability for Taylor.

He struggled, picking up temporary jobs to pay rent and buy Taylor food, but it wasn't enough.

It was  _never_  enough.

Especially when she came back. Everything from then on was crazy and Zayn couldn't be bothered to care for anything other than Taylor.

;;

"Zayn, sign these papers." Zayn's ex-wife, Perrie said, shoving papers at his chest. "They're custody papers."

"Why? You left him here." Zayn snapped. "With me."

"I want him back now...to make it up to him." She sighed, crossing her legs. "Look, Z, there's two options here."

Zayn knew where she was going. She'd done it plenty of times before.

"You can sign these papers and never see Tay again," Taylor didn't even  _like_ that name. God, she was horrible. "Or we can get back together. You can move in with me and see Tay daily."

"How about this," Zayn raised his eyebrows, leaning on his elbows. "You can get out of here and never come back and I'll take care of my son. I'm not signing your goddamned papers because _I'm_ Taylor's father. I fed and clothed and changed him while you,  Perrie, ran away."

"You're impossible!" She threw her hands into the air, huffing out an impatient breath of air.

"Leave, Perrie." Zayn snapped. "We both know it's what you do best."

She looked wounded for a second before sneering at him, unwavering as she stood.

"I'll be back. We both know you aren't fit to care for a child." She snapped, turning and prancing out the door.

Zayn huffed out a loud breath, brushing the hair from his face.

Why he'd ever impregnated her, he'd never know. Possibly because he was sure she was the one or possibly because he was high as fuck when he did so. Once again, he wasn't sure.

He got up, glancing at the clock, and sighed.

An hour until he picked Taylor up and the entire apartment wreaked of her perfume.

He grabbed a nearly burned out candle and lit it, putting it on the coffee table and turning on the television.

Sometimes he hated his life.

;;

By next week, he'd long forgotten about Perrie and her incessant whining.

He had plenty of other things to worry about. Like the rent that was two months late, the nutritionally deficient dinner he had in the fridge or the gnawing ache of hunger in his stomach.

He picked Taylor up from daycare, groaning when they handed him a bill. He smiled at the teacher, of course, mumbling something about paying it soon.

He shuffled Taylor out of the building, hands grasped tightly for safety as they crossed the road.

"How was school, little dude?" Zayn asked, cold air brushing across his face.

"It was cool." Taylor murmured. "Mommy came to see me today with this man and he was very nice."

Zayn stopped dead in his tracks.

Perrie'd been to see Taylor? Didn't she know how to take a fucking hint?

"What'd mommy say?" Zayn asked, worry leaking into his voice.

"She said that I'll be with her soon!" Taylor chirped.

Shit, that was bad.

"What did the man look like?" Zayn was almost afraid to ask.

"He was tall and he had short hair and he told me he was from CTS." Taylor grinned, proud of his own achievement.

" _CPS_?"  Zayn hoped not.

He hoped the guy wasn't with Child Protective Services. Hoped he was from some other organization that wasn't keen on taking away children.

"Yeah, that's it!" Zayn frowned then, reaching to pick Taylor up and hold him.

"T, I need you to do me a favour." Zayn said, dead serious. "If that man or mommy ever comes by again, you need to tell your teacher that they aren't supposed to be there."

"What? Why?" He titled his head.

"Because they want to take you away from me and we can't have that now, can we?" Zayn smiled, tickling Taylor's sides.

"No! T stays with daddy!" He announced, giggling under Zayn's fingers.

"Good." Zayn said, but that gnawing feeling in his stomach didn't go away.

But maybe he was just hungry.

;;

By the next week, his rent was top priority.

He had half of it, see, but the other half wasn't going to suddenly make an appearance and no one seemed to be hiring. Just Zayn's luck.

He shuffled around in the cupboard, searching for his class-ring but then he remembered he'd sold it for the daycare and dinner for the rest of the week.

He kicked at the cabinet, slamming his fists down hard onto the peeling linoleum.

He was so sick of having nothing! He didn't even have a dollar to his name that wasn't taken up by some sort of bill. Water, student loan, rent.

All of it needed to be paid, but Zayn was stuck in a jobless life with a four year old son and a bitter ex-wife.

He stood up straight when someone knocked on the door, composing himself before wrenching it open and glaring at Perrie.

"What more you could you possibly want?" Zayn asked, so fucking exhausted.

He hadn't slept a full night in a long, long time.

"These are yours," Perrie tossed him a folder and a bag. "CPS is taking Taylor out of your custody. For now, at least."

"What?!" Zayn said, anxiety filling him body.

How could Perrie do this to him?

Taylor was all he had!

"You've been deemed unfit to be a parent by CPS. You don't have a steady income, you live in this shit apartment, and you're behind on all of your bills, Zayn. Something had to be done." She shrugged as if she hadn't ruined his entire fucking life. "All the information about court dates and such is in the folder." She smirked. "Don't lose it like you did your job."

Perrie winked at Zayn and sauntered off.

"Trashy ass hoe." Zayn mumbled, embarrassed and angry and frustrated and sad.

He'd just lost his entire world to that stuck-up bitch.

Zayn lashed out, a sob falling from his throat as he punched the door and slid down it, cradling his legs to his chest.

His fingers ached from the impact, but he didn't care. Couldn't care because without Taylor, he was nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

He was just one poor man in the midst of hundreds of rich bitches and there was nothing he could do to fix that. Not even with his psychology degree.

He wondered what the point of going to fucking college even was. It didn't benefit his life at all.

He was nearly bankrupt, surviving on tap water and dry cereal, selling his shit to make rent.

And the diploma on the wall just glared at him, mocking his failure as it always did.

He wiped at his eyes, trying to stop crying. He stumbled over to the folder and opened it, glaring mockingly at the picture of the caseworker attached.

The papers said his name was Liam Payne and Zayn cursed to himself.

He was beautiful, but that didn't matter. Because Zayn hated him for taking Taylor away.

He shuffled through the other papers, shaking his head at the utter lies inside. Some of it was truthful, like Zayn being unemployed, but the rest was lies.

Perrie had told Liam fucking Payne that she'd caught Zayn beating Taylor. Zayn had never laid an angry hand on Taylor. _Never_. Though  Perrie had.

But who would believe Zayn over Perrie?

He shook his head and grabbed the calender off the wall, scribbling down the first court date.

It was set for next week, surprisingly early.

He stood up, wiping his nose on the back of his hand, before stumbling out the door.

He was going to make himself 'fit to be a parent' once more.

;;

"I have a degree in child psychology from Stanford University and I worked as a child psychologist for five years." Zayn smiled. "Before the company went bankrupt and my services were no longer needed. I minored in child development and have a degree in that, as well."

He was at another interview for a job as a clinical psychologist in a public clinic.

Zayn could do better, certainly, but he didn't have time to search much more. Didn't have the opportunity to either.

"Mr. Malik," the man said and Zayn glanced at the name on his desk.

Steve Rogers.

Like fucking Captain America.

Zayn felt like he might be having a heart attack.

"You are  _over_  qualified for this job, if I'm being honest. A Stanford graduate is not someone I'd have expected to want this job." He smiled. "I'm awed, though. Why hasn't anyone else scooped you up?"

"I have no idea." Zayn said, shrugging his shoulders. "I've been unemployed for some time now, though I applied at every place I was qualified for. You're the first to call."

"It says here that you've got one child...Taylor, if I'm correct."

"Yes, he's four and my entire life. I just want to be a good parent. I want to be able to take him out for dinner and buy him clothes and pay the rent without having to sell my class ring, you know?" Zayn sighed.

"I get you. I've got a daughter...and she's all grown up now, but we struggled for a few years...until someone gave me my break through job. It was a lot like the position you're up for, if I'm being honest, and I got it. It held our family afloat for a long time until we were stable enough for me to move on. Branch out with my own clinic." He smiled, shaking his head. "I could never thank him enough."

Zayn wasn't exactly sure what to say, so he just smiled softly at Steve.

"Well, Mr. Malik\--" Steve stood, fastening the button on his suit. " Zayn\--I'll be seeing you soon."

"Does that mean...?" Zayn was afraid of the answer.

"Yes, Zayn, the job is yours." He reached out his hand, grinning.

"Oh my God, really? Thank you so much, sir! You won't regret this, I promise!" Zayn shook his hand, enthralled.

Fucking finally.  
"I know I won't." Mr. Rogers said and Zayn grinned wildly.   
"When do I start?" Zayn's sure he hasn't had such a lively tone in his voice since the day Perrie left him.  
"How about tomorrow?" He smiled. "Clinic's been open a few weeks, but I want to get your office ready."   
"An office?" Zayn said, awed at this man's-- _stranger's_ \--kindness.   
"Why, of course! Zayn, with your qualifications, I should hand over the bloody company!" He chuckled. "Only went to Penn State myself. For child pediatrics and such."  
"Penn State is a very good school, sir." Zayn said. "Would've been proud to go there."   
"Don't lie me, my boy." Steve laughed. "I would've killed for an invite to Stanford."

Zayn glanced at the time, gasping.   
"I'm sorry, sir. I must go. I've got a hearing for custody in twenty minutes!" Zayn stood, reaching his hand out to the older gentleman.   
"Ah, marital issues?" He quirked a grin, shaking Zayn's hand firmly. "I'll see you tomorrow at nine, then, Zayn."   
"You definitely will." Zayn turned and lead himself out, making the quick jog over to the courthouse, suit irritatingly tight around his arms (he'd grown a lot muscular-wise since his father's funeral three years prior).

When he pushed open the heavy wooden doors to the Honourable Judge Michael Ramirez's Court Room, he didn't expect to see so many fucking people.

Perrie's parents, her aunt and uncle. Several CPS workers, attorneys and lawyers alike.   
"Fuck," he whispered under his breath, shuffling in.

He was on time, early even, so he didn't understand why they were glaring at him like he'd murdered the Pope.   
"Glad you decided to join us, Mr. Malik." Said Judge Ramirez from behind his desk. "We've only been waiting twenty minutes."   
"What? Perrie said court wasn't for another ten." Zayn glanced at her and she winked at him.   
"I'm sorry. Must've mixed up the times." She shrugged. "It's whatever."

Zayn wished he was a girl so he could fight her. Maybe he'd call up Doniya and have her beat Perrie up.

That sounded like a great plan.   
"Alrighty then." Judge Ramirez said. "We're here today to discuss the competency case involving Zayn Malik, Perrie Edwards-Malik, and their son, Taylor Malik. It says here that you, Zayn, forced Mrs. Edwards-Malik to leave?"   
"No, sir. She left me with our son, Taylor, and a phone call." Zayn swallowed hard. "I never would've forced her to leave. I loved her, sir."   
"Loved? Have you moved on so quickly?" The judge quirked a smile.   
"Well, it's been over a year, sir, and she always was a little...flaky." Zayn shrugged. "Sometimes she forgot entirely about picking him up from preschool. He'd sit there until five or six when I got home from work and ran to get him."  
"Is this true, Mrs. Malik?" He frowned.   
"Well, yeah, but--"  
"Okay. Onto the next issue at hand. Mr. Malik, it also says that you're unemployed? And two months behind on your rent?" He sighed.   
"I had a job interview today and I got the job. I start tomorrow." Zayn smiled, winking at Perrie's awed face.   
"What is this job?" Judge Ramirez had a soft smile on his lips.

Barely there, but Zayn could definitely see it.

Zayn: 1   
Perrie: 1000

At least he was on the board.   
"A clinical psychologist at the clinic on Main." Zayn nervously shuffled his papers around.  
"That sounds great, Zayn." Judge Ramirez nodded. "I've decided to extend the case. We'll meet up in exactly one month for a custodial hearing. Now, I ask Taylor Malik to the stand."

Taylor stood, dressed grandly in a dark button-up and jeans. 

Zayn resented Perrie for the new clothes.   
"Hiya, kiddo." The judge said, smiling. "Do you know why you're here today?"  
"Mommy says it's because daddy can't take care of me." Taylor said, frowning. "But he can."   
"Can he? Is he a good daddy?"   
"Of course!" Taylor grinned, looking out towards Zayn. 

Zayn's heart warmed, and he relaxed a little in his seat. 

Taylor was a smart kid. He knew just what to say. 

Zayn had taught him well.   
"He's the best!"   
"That's good." Judge Ramirez nodded. "How about your mommy? Is she a good mother?"   
"I guess." Taylor shrugged. "She left for a long, long time. Daddy said she was on a shopping trip, but I know that it doesn't take that long to shop! Even for mommy!" He giggled. 

Judge Ramirez nodded, smiling softly.   
"Does daddy feed you when you're hungry?"   
"Yes! Sometimes he doesn't eat. He says he's not hungry even though I hear his tummy rumblin." Taylor frowned. "I try to give him some of mine, but he won't take it." 

Zayn sighed, eyes downcast because he sounded so fucking pathetic when his life was all exposed like that. With every little detail out in the open.

But maybe pathetic was what he needed to sound like.   
"He should eat more." The judge nodded. "He's quite thin."   
"Right?" Taylor smirked, turning toward Zayn again. "I told you so!"  
"You sure did, buddy." Zayn said back, biting his lip to fight a grin. 

Judge Ramirez ruffled some of the papers on his desk.   
"Okay, Taylor, you've been with your mommy for a week. Has she been nice?"   
"Yes!" Taylor squealed. "She lets me stay up past bed time and eat ice cream and cake and watch scary movies!" Taylor's face became serious. "Don't watch The Purge before bed. I almost wet myself."   
"Oh," Judge Ramirez said, looking sincerely at Taylor. "Is that so?"  
"Yeah. Scary as hell." 

Zayn frowned because  _where had Taylor learned that word?_

Zayn didn't allow anything of the such.  
"Who taught you that word?"   
"What? _Hell_?" Taylor said, innocently. "Mommy." 

Zayn grinned to himself, glancing at Perrie as she palmed her face. 

God, Taylor was brilliant.   
"Okay. Thanks, kiddo. You did great." Judge Ramirez smiled. "Court is adjourned for today. We'll gather here again, next week, for the custodial hearing now that I've got the facts. The child will remain in Mrs. Edwards-Malik's care until further notice. That's all for today." 

The judge stood while Zayn slumped in his chair, and walked out of the court room. 

Taylor ran to Zayn, grinning.   
"Daddy!" He cried, leaping to hug him tight. "Did I do well?"   
"Yeah, you did, buddy." Zayn said. "You did excellent."   
"Let's go home." Taylor said, grabbing Zayn's hand. 

Zayn sighed, kneeling down in front of Taylor.   
"Buddy, you can't come with me." Zayn felt like screaming, crying, ripping Perrie's fake-ass eyelashes off and beating the shit out of the attractive CPS worker.  
"What?" Taylor frowned, bottom lip wobbling. 

Oh, God, no. _Please_ don't let him cry. 

Zayn felt sick, like he was going to faint and die on the cobblestone courtroom floor.   
"The judge said you have to stay with mommy--"  
"No!" Taylor wailed, tears falling down his face. 

He gripped tightly onto Zayn's arm, sobbing and crying.   
"No, no! Daddy!" He sobbed and Zayn teared up himself.   
"I'm so sorry, T. I'm sorry. I wish I didn't have to leave you with..." That fucking she-witch. "mommy. I wish we could go home and we'll have McDonald's and watch Clifford The Big Red Dog all day long, but we can't. You have to go with mommy, okay?" Zayn bit the inside of his cheek, trying to calm down. 

Damn this entire thing! Damn the Judge and Perrie and attractive CPS workers and _damn the system!_

Taylor shook his head, brown eyes wet and red.   
"Be a good boy for daddy, okay? Listen to mommy and go to bed on time and certainly don't say any bad words!" Zayn smiled, holding Taylor's shoulders.   
"Okay." Taylor said, nodding. "I'll be good."   
"I'll see you soon, buddy, okay?" Zayn mumbled and Taylor nodded, hugging him tightly. 

Zayn held Taylor close to his chest, remembering how he used to do it to Taylor when he couldn't speak, couldn't hug back. When he was just a baby, pale-skinned and looking so much like Zayn that it hurt. 

Loving someone that much, it hurt. Burned like a wildfire inside of Zayn's organs, stung like hydrochloric acid in his heart, and ached like losing someone you never really had to begin with.  
"I'll see you in a month. Bye, Taylor." Zayn pulled back, hearing the crack, crack, click of Perrie's heels on the cobblestone floor. "I love you."   
"Love you, too, daddy!" He said, lip still wobbling, tears still in his eyes. "I'll miss you."   
"I'll miss you too, buddy." Zayn said, still knealing. 

He didn't get up when Perrie dragged Taylor out, when the CPS agents filed out, when the bailiff had retreated into the back offices. 

He just kneeled there, hands face-up on his knees, wondering what he did to deserve all of it. 

Who had he pissed off so much that they'd taken away the only good thing in his life? 

After a while, the lights in the courthouse flickered off, so Zayn stood and walked out, heading to his vastly empty flat.

He opened the door, stared at the colourful and lifeless toys scattered across the floor and sunk to his knees. 

He cradled his head in his hands, back arched and sobbed. 

He didn't get up when the doorbell rang--his landlord probably coming to collect the rent from two months prior--he just laid there until the sun had set and then risen, high and bright against the dark curtains of his dead flat. 

When the sun had risen and the clock on the wall read some time after eight, Zayn got up and took off his cheap suit. 

He reached into his closet, looking for the nicest button-up he had, and pulling out the dark blue shirt he'd worn when he married Perrie. 

He scoffed and the grinned. 

He'd definitely have to wear it to the next court hearing to fuck with her head. 

He pulled on the shirt, buttoning up to the sharp points of his collarbones. 

He pulled on black pants and the nicest shoes he owned before heading out to the clinic, determined to do the best job he could manage. 

For Taylor. 

;;

By the next month, Zayn was surprisingly not depressed. 

His job kept him busy. 

He worked late hours, requesting extra time to fill up his nights. 

He didn't want to be home where the toys were scattered like a post-apocalyptic world, where it reeked of Taylor's shampoo, where his head ached from the silence. 

And Mr. Rogers let him. Gave him all the time he wanted. 

Sometimes, even let Zayn stay overnight to take the night shift. 

Zayn thrived on it. 

He had just tossed on the dark-blue button-up when someone knocked on his door. 

It couldn't have been the landlord. Zayn had paid him earlier that day with a grin. So who was it?

Zayn opened the door wide, frowning at Perrie's funky-looking hair.   
"What?" He snapped, voice raw and strong.  
"Court hearing's scheduled for eleven. I fucked up the time." She shrugged, eyes glinting. 

Fuck her because she was still beautiful. 

Though Zayn loathed her, he knew it was true.   
"Can I borrow your phone?" Zayn hadn't had a phone in only God knew how long.   
"Yeah." She sighed, tugging out an iPhone from her purse. "It's only, like the six sadly."  
"Better than I've got." He scoffed, bitter. 

He dialed the courthouse's number, waiting as it rang.   
"Hello, London courthouse. How can I help you?" The receptionist's voice rang through the speaker.   
"Hi, I was calling to confirm the time of a hearing scheduled for later today. Zayn Malik vs. Perrie Edwards-Malik. It's a custody hearing." 

Zayn didn't trust Perrie as far as he could throw her, honestly. 

How could he after the stunt she pulled last time?   
"One second, sir." The receptionist mumbled, papers ruffling behind her. "Okay. It's with Judge Ramirez, correct?"   
"Yeah." Zayn said, eyes on Perrie.   
"It says here that it starts at ten thirty." 

Zayn rolled his eyes, hard. 

Perrie was un-fucking-believeable.   
"Thanks." Zayn mumbled, pressing the end call button.

He tossed the fucking iPhone back at Perrie, bitter.  
"Fuck off, Perrie. It's at ten thirty."   
"Oops." She shrugged helplessly.   
"Get the hell out of my house." Zayn said, eerily calm. 

Perrie scoffed, tossing her hair over her shoulder.   
"This isn't even a proper dwelling, Zayn."   
"It's perfectly fine." Zayn snapped, harsh. "Now get the fuck out." 

He didn't want to be cruel, but Perrie was trying to take away his only joy in life. He had to be dastardly. 

For Taylor.   
"See you later." She winked. "Don't be late now." 

Zayn shook his head and pulled on the blazer, feeling it constrict in places it never had before. He adjusted his hair in the mirror and left, glancing at the half-broken clock that read ten oh nine. 

;;

"It's come to my understanding that while Mr. Malik is the more deserving parent, the best option is for Taylor to stay with Mrs. Edwards-Malik until further notice." Judge Ramirez said, looking anywhere but at Zayn. 

Zayn heart dropped into his stomach and he could already hear Perrie's victory screech. 

Zayn would've done one too, if he'd won.   
"Her financial position is much more stable than his and that is what is best for the child. I will be granting biweekly visits at a monitored location, the CPS headquarters. Mrs. Edwards-Malik will drop off Taylor before three PM every Tuesday and Thursday." Zayn's days off. 

Thank Christ.   
"She will pick him up at five PM. He is not to go home with Mr. Malik nor is he to see him at any time other than in CPS HQ. We'll gather back here in three months' time to discuss any changes with your CPS worker. Court adjourned."

Zayn stood up, knees wobbly, and smiled at Taylor. 

He ran across the courtroom, flinging himself in Zayn's arms. He sobbed hard, face buried in Zayn's neck.   
"I miss you." He cried and Zayn could feel the tears on his neck. "She's mean to me."   
"What does she do?" Zayn asked. 

If she laid a fucking finger on him, there'd be hell to pay.   
"She yells at me for dumb things. Like when I paint in my notebook on the table. She says that I'll...I'll..." His voice dropped from a sob to a whisper. "Fuck the table up." 

Zayn gasped, awed that Perrie would speak that way around a  _child_.   
"Taylor,"  Zayn started. "Don't say that word, okay? It's a bad, bad word."   
"Like hell?" He asked.   
"Yes. Put those words away in the box of no-no things, okay?" Zayn smiled. "And anything else mommy says. When I see you tomorrow, I'll bring lots of paint, okay?"   
"Okay." He smiled, tears in his eyes again. "I don't want to go bye-bye."   
"I know, T." Zayn frowned, angry and tired and so goddamn  _hurt_. 

His chest ached with every tear on Taylor's face.   
"I'll see you tomorrow?" He said as if it made the shitty situation any better.   
"You will." Taylor promised. "We will not be late or I will draw on mommy's bedroom walls."   
"G'boy." Zayn grinned, maniacal. "I love you."   
"Love you, too, daddy!" He said, kissing Zayn's cheek.   
"Come on, Tay!" Perrie snapped, impatient. 

Jesus, what a bitch.   
"Bye, T." Zayn sighed, watching Perrie grab Taylor's hand and drag him out of the courtroom. 

Zayn followed behind them, the rush of CPS workers bumping into him as he did so. 

He headed out to the clinic, unbuttoning the topmost buttons. 

He was so done with the fight already. 

He just wanted his T back. 

;;

Zayn practically ran to the Children Protective Services building, backpack thumping heavily against his back. 

It was filled with paint and poster-boards, brushes and  pencils. He couldn't wait to have time with Taylor alone, without Perrie. 

He pushed open the doors, grinning at Taylor in the waiting room. Taylor ran to him, tossing his arms around Zayn's waist.   
"I missed you." Zayn said, kneeling to scoop Taylor up.   
"I missed you too!" Taylor cooed, giggling. 

Zayn placed Taylor back down, grabbing his hand and smiling.   
"Malik!" Yelled the receptionist whose name looked to be Eleanor. "You've got to sign in." 

Zayn led Taylor over to the front desk where he signed their names on a sheet. She asked him his DOB and place of residence before telling Zayn to sit down. 

So Zayn did. 

He scooped Taylor up, grinning so wildly that it ached, and sat down on the hard chairs.   
"Are you excited?" Zayn asked, voice ecstatic. 

He was so fucking excited that his entire body thrummed with it.   
"Yes!" Taylor cooed, grinning a toothless grin.   
"When'd you lose your tooth?" Zayn asked, frowning. 

The fucking justice system was making him miss important milestones in his child's life.   
"Um..." Taylor paused, looking down. "Last night. I ate a piece of...taffy and it got stuck."   
"Oh," Zayn said, eyeing Taylor suspiciously. 

Why was he lying?  
"Okay." Zayn frowned as someone called out, "Mr. Malik and Taylor!" from the door. 

Zayn stood up, slinging the backpack across his shoulders and reaching down for Taylor's hand. He led Taylor to the man, rolling his eyes at the man.   
"Hello, Zayn." The man said. 

Zayn remembered seeing him in the file, though he couldn't recall his name. Maybe it started with an L? Or an _H_?   
"Hi, Taylor." He smiled. "I'm Harry and I'll be observing your interactions through one-way glass." 

An H it was.  
"Okay." Zayn said, nodding, though he didn't care. 

Zayn had nothing to hide.   
"Your caseworker, Liam, will speak to Taylor after your meetings, so you can drop him off at the front office." Harry's smile appeared glued to his face. 

It was kind of really annoying.   
"I'll be sure to do that." Zayn plastered a small smile onto his lips, plastic.   
"Good! Here's your room. I'll be right behind the glass if you need anything." 

Harry smiled again and ducked out of the room.

Zayn grinned down at Taylor, euphoric and absolutely happy.   
"Ready, Tay?"   
"Yes!" He crooned, grinning just as wide as Zayn. 

Zayn hoped the visit never ended. 

;;

Sadly, it had too. Too quickly, Harry was knocking on the door, notifying them that had five minutes left. 

Zayn smiled sadly at Taylor, blue paint spattered in his hair, and sighed.   
"Come on, T. Let's clean up!"   
_"Clean up, clean up, everybody clean up!_ " Taylor sang in his little-boy falsetto.   
" _Let's work together and everyone do their sha-are_!" Zayn added, singing in his grown-man voice. 

Taylor grinned, singing Dora's clean up song with Zayn adding in the bits he knew as they cleaned up the paint. 

When they finished, Zayn packed everything into his backpack except the paintings.   
"This one's for you, daddy." Taylor smiled, pointing to a collage of greens and blues and reds.   
"What's it?" Zayn asked, smiling.   
"It's me! So you don't forget what I look like" 

Zayn frowned, heart hurting, and shook his head.   
"Could never forget you, little dude." Zayn shrugged on the backpack, rubbing Taylor's head. 

He had his mother's hair, fair and light, but Zayn's eyes, golden and cat-like.  
"Time's up." Harry called into the room, eyes alight with his artificial grin.   
"Thanks." Zayn said because he wasn't sure what else to say.  
"No problem." Harry grinned. "Taylor's gotta wait here. He's got a meeting with his caseworker, Liam."   
"Oh," Zayn frowned.

He wasn't ready to say goodbye yet. 

He kneeled down in front of Taylor, smiling though he felt like his ribs are being broken one by one.   
"I'll see you in two days, okay, T?" Zayn said, breathing out a shaky breath.   
"Okay, daddy." He said then threw his arms around Zayn's neck, squeezing him as tight as his little boy arms could manage.  
"Love you, T."   
"Love you too, daddy." Taylor mumbled, pulling away. 

Zayn stood again, adjusting his backpack before nodding at Harry.   
"Bye." Zayn grabbed Taylor's painting and ducked out of the room before he could sob. 

He wished it was all fucking over with. 

;;

The next few weeks went like that. 

Full of Taylor and CPS pizza and long days and nights at the clinic. 

Zayn began to feel almost normal about the visits, the long walks across town. 

Zayn jogged down the street, backpack packed to the brim, nearly late for their meeting. He'd forgotten to turn off the oven before leaving the flat and had to run the entire way home. 

He pushed open the glass door, grinning at Taylor's face splitting grin.   
"T!" He squealed, reaching for a hug.   
"Daddy!"

Taylor fell into his arms, squeezing tight.   
"Let's check in, alright, buddy?" Zayn grinned, taking Taylor's hand after they separated. 

Zayn smiled at Eleanor, the receptionist, and told her his name.   
"Zayn," she stopped him. "You'll be meeting Liam today."   
"Really?" Zayn frowned. 

Why then? He hadn't met Liam once over the past seven weeks. What made that Tuesday so special?   
"Yeah. He decided it was time, I guess." She shrugged. "Harry'll be out for you two in a moment." 

Zayn shook his head and led Taylor over to two seats.   
"How was school, little dude?" Zayn asks, smiling softly. 

He's so, so glad to have this time with Taylor.   
"It was okay." Taylor said, eyes downcast.   
"Only okay?" Zayn teased, poking Taylor's cheek lightly.   
"Yeah." Taylor sighed. "Only okay." 

Before Zayn could respond, he heard Harry's voice call his name.   
"Zayn! Taylor!"

Zayn stood, taking Taylor's hand and walking him through the doors.   
"Hi, Harry." Taylor smiled.   
"Hey, T." Harry said, leading them down the hall. "How's it going?"   
"Good." Taylor said, low.   
"Well that's good." Harry chirped. "I'll bring your pizza in when it arrives."   
"Okay." Zayn said, dismissively. "Thanks." 

Harry pushed open the door, showing them in.   
"I'll be on the other side of the glass if you need anything." He shut the door behind him after Zayn nodded. 

Zayn dropped his backpack onto the chair, sitting down onto the couch.   
"T...Come here, will you?" 

Taylor sat down on the seat next o Zayn with a small frown.   
"What's wrong? You're acting strange."   
"Mommy told me not to say." He shook his head. "She said I'd get a new toy if I be...behaved and I  _want_  a new toy." 

Wow, bribery. 

Smooth, Perrie. Real fucking smooth.  
"I'm your daddy," Zayn frowned, eyebrows pulled low. "You can tell me anything."   
"Okay." Taylor said slowly. "I haven't been going to school."   
"What? Why?" Zayn kept his voice light, aware of Harry outside.   
"She was tired." 

Seriously, Perrie? For fuck's sake.  
"When was the last time you went to school?"   
"Um...I don't know...um...we had ice cream and drew sunflowers with finger paint." Taylor paused.

They only ate ice cream once a month at T's preschool. On the third. It was the goddamn  _seventeenth_!  
"Jeez."  Zayn said. "Are you sure? That was, like, two weeks ago."  
"Oh." Taylor said, frowning momentarily before he grinned. "Can we paint now?"   
"Of course." Zayn said, grinning. "What're you gonna paint? I think I'll paint Harry with his wild hair."

They laughed together as Zayn pulled out the supplies.   
"I think I'll paint mommy so you can see her like I do." 

;;

"Bye, T. I'll see you on Thursday, okay?" Zayn kneeled in front of his gold-eyed child with a smile.   
"Okay. I love you, dad." He hugged Zayn tight. "So much."  
"I love you as well, my little dude." Zayn grinned, wrapping him tight in his arms. "Goodbye."   
"Bye-bye." Taylor said, blinking his eyes. 

He had cried every goddamned time Zayn had to leave him. And it ripped Zayn apart.   
"Come on, Tay." Perrie said, yanking on Taylor's arm. 

He cringed, but followed, tears on his face. 

Zayn stood, helpless, as he watched Perrie load Taylor into the front seat of the car. She didn't even check his seat belt before she drove off.

Zayn shook his head, tugging the backpack higher onto his shoulder.   
"Mr. Malik?"

Zayn turned, seeing a man with short hair and a kind face. He was sort of beautiful in that boy-next-door kind of way. 

If he wasn't Zayn's CPS worker, Zayn probably would have screwed him.   
"Hello." Zayn said with a small smile. 

Might as well be polite.   
"Hi." The man, presumably Liam, said.   
"So, you're Liam, right?" Zayn stuck out his hand with a hearty sigh. "I'm Zayn, but you probably already knew that."   
"I...did." Liam stammered. "Nice to, um, meet you. Taylor's told me a lot about you. You're a good father, Zayn. I'm proud."   
"Thank you." Zayn smiled. "Shall we sit?"   
"Sure." 

They sat down at the round table in the middle of the room. Liam ruffled through some of his papers, placing a sheet down in front of Zayn.  
"And this is...?"   
"It's my recommendation after hearing Taylor's opinions on you. You're free to read it, if you'd like." 

Zayn glanced over at him before shrugging, glancing at short list of words like  _stable, friendly, kind_  before shaking his head and signing his name at the bottom. 

He didn't need to read Liam's report to know that he was a good father.  
"You sure? Most fathers feel the need to read this."   
"I know I'm a good dad. Your report won't change that." Zayn smiled, words soft.   
"Okay." Liam shrugged, scribbling something down in his planner. "So, I have a few questions for you, if that's alright?"   
"Fine and dandy." Zayn nodded.   
"Okay, so how old is your son?"   
"He's four."  
"What's his favourite television show?"  
"He likes Go Diego Go and Clifford The Big Red Dog."   
"How do you feel about his mother?"  
"Perrie?" Zayn cringed. 

He didn't mean to, honest, but it was on his face before he could stop it.   
"She's...well, she...she's okay." Zayn didn't want to badmouth anyone. 

Certainly to his CPS worker.   
"Be honest." Liam smirked. "I don't mind."   
"She's not the best parent." Zayn admitted. "Taylor hasn't been going to school and she bribes him with toys. When we were together, I made all the rules because she just didn't have any, you know? Bedtime at eight, dinner at five. She was always so careless, as well. Leaving the front door open when he began to walk, turning on the stove and forgetting about it. She'd shake him when he wouldn't stop crying. She is a vapid bitch, to by honest. Disappearing at all times of the time to come back with hickies down her neck, reeking of pot and booze. I _loathe_ her." 

Zayn almost said that. Almost. 

Instead he chose, "I...don't agree with her parenting skills."  
"Okay. How long were you and Perrie together before you split?"   
"She left me and T about two years ago."   
"Okay." Liam nodded. "Are you currently involved with anyone?" 

Zayn smirked, leaning back on his chair a bit.   
"No. Not since Perrie, though if I was going to get back into the scene, it'd probably be with a guy. Girls are too difficult."   
"That they are." Liam agreed with a smile. "Do you consider yourself to be a perfect parent?"   
"No." Zayn answered. "No one's perfect, especially not me." 

Liam grinned wide, nodding his head as he wrote in his planner.   
"How are your visits here at CPS HQ?" 

Did  _everyone_  call it that?   
"They're okay. I love seeing Taylor, even in the close-quartered rooms of Child Protective Services, though I don't particularly appreciate being watching."   
"Want to know a secret?" Liam grinned, mischievous. 

Zayn nodded, entranced.   
"Harry doesn't really watch if he thinks the child is safe with the parent. He texts his boyfriend the entire time instead."   
"Really?" Zayn grinned.

So Harry really wasn't watching. Good.   
"Totally. Sometimes, I stop by to check on him, and he's not even in the room!" Liam laughed and Zayn thought it was quite a beautiful sight.   
"That's crazy!" Zayn smiled. 

Liam smiled back, boy-next-door eyes brilliant in the dank room.   
"One final question for you today, Mr. Malik."

Zayn looked at him with a soft smile on his face. 

He'd thought he'd loathe Mr. Payne, the CPS worker. 

Boy, he was wrong.   
"When you get your son back--after the end of the case--would you like to have dinner with me sometime?" 

;;

Zayn looked both ways as he ran across the street, white lab coat loose around his shoulders. 

He didn't have time to change out of it after he realized that he was five minutes late for the custodial hearing. 

Three months, it seemed, went by in a flash of pizza, monthly Liam Payne meetings, and hating Perrie Edwards-Malik. 

Zayn pushed open the courthouse doors, panting heavy as he clunked into his seat. 

Right on time. 

He'd made the fifteen minute walk in less than six. 

God, Zayn was fantastic.   
"Now welcoming the Honourable Judge Ramirez. All rise!" The bailiff said and Zayn stood, adjusting the collar of his shirt. 

Judge Ramires walked in, waving for everyone to sit as he did.   
"We're here today on the custodial case of Taylor Malik. Glad to see you all here this morning. First we'll start with Mr. Malik." 

Zayn took a deep breath, licking his lips nervously.   
"How's your job doing?"   
"Very well. I'm the head psychologist in my division." Zayn smiled, proud of his achievement.   
"Good. Your bills?"   
"Paid up. All of them. With all of my abundant free time, I'm working overtime and getting paid well for it." 

The judge nodded with a hidden grin.   
"Mrs. Edwards-Malik," The judge addressed. "How's Taylor doing?"   
"Very well." Perrie nodded.   
"He's in school today, I presume?"   
"No, sir. He's not feeling very well so I let him stay home with a babysitter." Perrie sighed. "Poor boy."   
"Liam Payne, the CPS worker, is now to give us his report on Mr. Malik's progress." 

Zayn watched as Liam stood from Perrie's side of the courtroom. 

He walked toward the group, bright red folder in his hands.   
"Mr. Payne." The judge adressed with a fond nod.   
"Judge." Liam smiled.   
"So, Mr. Payne, how had Zayn been progressing?"   
"He's shown great physical and mental development. He's gotten a steady job, a steady place of residence and he's taken parenting classes." 

Zayn had taken them on the recommendation from Harry. He'd said they'd make him look better. 

Guess he was right.   
"Good for him." Judge Ramirez said, looking impressed.   
"I went to his place of residency last week for the requested house check, and it was pristine. New toys for Taylor and a new race-car bed!" Liam grinned.   
"Wonderful! He'll love it, I'm sure." The judge turned, glancing at Perrie. "And Ms. Edwards?"   
"She, while having the child in her care, hasn't done such a good job." Liam looked hesitant, nervous. "Two months ago, I kept Taylor after the meeting and asked him to paint me a picture of his mother. This is what he gave me." 

Liam untucked a paper from his folder. 

It was red and black and dark and then bright yellow. Perrie, with red skin and black, black eyes. 

Had Taylor really painted  _that_? 

It was spectacular, but so disgustingly horrific.   
"Is that... _me_?"  Perrie gasped.   
"He wrote, _"my mommy"_ in black paint on the back."  Liam frowned. "Also, Taylor's been absent from school more in the past three months than he had been in his entire life with Mr. Malik."   
"Hmm." The judge said simply.   
"This is what he painted when I asked him to draw his dad." 

Liam pulled out another paper from his folder. 

That one was all soft orange and sky blue and green grass. Zayn, with a blue superhero suit on, flying. 

Amazing artwork.   
"On the back, he wrote " _my daddy_ " in yellow paint." 

Zayn almost cried.  
"Thank you, Mr. Payne. That'll be all. Now we'll hear from the your lawyers and what they've managed to dig up about you two. Mr. Malik's will go last." 

;;

"I've made my decision." Four hours they'd been in that courtroom, watching Zayn's state-appointed lawyer and Perrie's purchased one dance. 

For a state lawyer, Zayn's was amazing. She was kind and ruthless, getting to the point without dragging things out. 

If Zayn wanted to date girls anymore, he'd have gone for her.   
"In the case between Perrie Edwards-Malik and Zayn Malik over the permanent custody of Taylor Malik, I'm ruling in favour of the defendant, Zayn Malik. He has shown superb progress and obviously wants the child more. Ms. Edwards, of course, can file for visitation rights if she wishes, but full and total custody goes to Mr. Malik. Effective immediately." 

Zayn gasped, awed as tears sprung to his eyes. 

He turned to Liam, not giving one shit about the court or anything but his baby. He'd gotten his baby back!

Liam smiled at his, wide, and Zayn ran to him, hugging him tight.   
"Thank you." Zayn whispered, soft. "Thank you so much."   
"For what?" Liam said back, hugging Zayn just as tight. "It was all you, Zayn."   
"After...after T gets acclimated, how about dinner? Remember? I promised." Zayn pulled back with a grin.   
"You did promise." Liam nodded.   
"Saturday, then? Six o'clock? My house, of course, because I'll probably never let Taylor leave again." Zayn laughed.   
"Absolutely." 

;;

"You know what?" Zayn asked, leaning against the muscle of Liam's shoulder.   
"What?" Liam asked, grinning.   
"I'm almost glad Perrie fought for custody." 

And he was. 

If it wasn't for Perrie's total bitchiness, Zayn never would've met the real love of his life.   
"Me too." Liam said. "How's the cake, buddy?"   
"Great!" Taylor chirped, chocolate smeared all over his five-year old face. "Chocolately. Yum."   
"Happy birthday, little dude." Zayn smiled, reaching into his bag to pull out T's present. "For you." 

Zayn placed the colourfully wrapped box on the table in front of T, not caring that it'd get all sticky from his chocolate monster hands.   
"Open it!" Zayn couldn't hide his happiness. 

Taylor reached for it, tearing off the wrapping and gasping.   
"Paint!" He yelled, disturbing the quiet atmosphere of the restaurant. 

Zayn didn't care, just grinned.   
"There's more gifts at home to go along with it." 

An easel and several canvases, brushes and more paints. The perfect painting kit for a six-year old. All while being washable!  
"Yes!" Taylor yelled, hands in the air. "This is the best day of my life!" 

Zayn leaned further into Liam, so goddamn happy that he ached, and wrapped his arm around him.   
"I love you." Zayn whispered, feeling so happy with his husband and his baby that he could just implode.   
"And I, my love, love you." Liam said back, boy-next-door in every which way. 

Zayn had never been more grateful for his vapid bitch of an ex-wife. 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Hope it was worth the read and your time. 
> 
> I hope I made the original owner of the prompt at least semi-happy! (Once again, I'm sorry for the many alterations. I feel pretty bad about them so yeah).


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